New Years Eve

New Years Eve without the fireworks, the drunken charades, and the countdown, what is it?
It's a night of half-hearted resolutions, maybe a night of drinking, and perhaps for some, a kiss.
It all boils down to the same thing, hope.
We hope we get into better shape, without taking the necessary steps to complete that task.
We hope to get organized, without improving our organizational skills.
We hope for better days.
We hope to be happy.
That's all it is, isn't it?
Just a bunch of humans counting down another hour, hoping that the next year is different.
Hoping another 365 days will change us as people.
We're just a bunch of hopeful humans now aren't we?

Autopilot

Google's definition of autopilot is "a device for keeping an aircraft on a set course without the intervention of the pilot."

I've been in autopilot the past couple days, and sometimes writing helps, other times it doesn't. Maybe this is one of the times it does, but maybe it won't help even a bit. I guess by the end of this we'll know.

According to Google, autopilot keeps the 'aircraft' on a set course. If I'm on autopilot, does that mean I'm on my set course? Because lately it feels like I've been so lost and so confused and like I can't control anything, even before yesterday when this autopilot nonsense started.

It's like no matter what I try, I can't seem to get my goals set, my goals in order. It seems like I need to take a step back and rethink everything. Maybe that's what my body is telling me to do by going into autopilot mode. Maybe I'm being forced to step back, to re consider, to figure out if this is what I want to do or not. Even as I type this, it's like I'm not thinking of what to type, it's just happening, it's like I'm watching a movie. Watching the screen and watching the words show up, but I'm not controlling any of it.

I feel like I'm dreaming, my head is so fogged I can't think straight.

I can sit down and stare at my phone for three seconds but it will feel like hours have passed. I look at people or at the road and I'm immediately confused of who they are and where I am.

I just want to be in control again. Is it a way of telling me that I can't control everything?

Maybe I'm just so stressed and everything is clogging up my head that I don't know what's going on. At times I'll look at myself in the mirror and not recognize myself. I become disoriented and the feeling of trying to figure out who I am, what I am, what life is, and what the purpose is. These are all questions I can't answer, obviously I know who I am and that I'm a human. But I don't know what life is or the purpose.

Maybe once I get back into the flow of things, once school starts, this will all go back to normal.

 

 

The Most Important Lesson

I hate that I'm short - no matter how much I deny it.
I hate having to wear glasses
I hate my body shape - I wish I could be naturally skinny
I hate my face shape, and the way it breaks out easily.
I've always hated these things.
I've always hated my hair in its natural state. Curly and an uncontrollable mess.
But I love myself.
I love the color of my eyes, and how they change when I'm mad.
I love my hair when it's straight and I love the color.
I love my lips, maybe an odd thing to love.

I've learned to hate little pieces of myself, but not hate myself as a whole. I've learned that I'll have to deal with these things unless I fix them. I've learned that I'm not ugly because of these details. I've learned to love myself despite my flaws - and that's the most important lesson a person could learn.

Too Good to Be True

It was always too good to be true.
I was always told that it wasn't real.
And fuck hope for coming back again, because it's failed me every time before.
You say I'm the only one, that you'd never cheat.
Yet I find heart eyes on her pictures.
I'm the jealous type, I know.
But there's no over exaggeration, and there isn't anything to support your case.
I have screenshots, I have proof.
There's no denying this one.
Take caution when we talk, cause I'm done.

Break Ups

I've always heard that best friend breakups are worse than relationship breakups.
I'm feeling it.
This is the person I've only spent a few short years with, but the amount of memories with her makes it feel like forever.
The same person who has comforted me while I cried and I for her.
The very same person who has been there for me through thick and thin.
This is what makes a break up with a best friend worse than an actual break up.
She isn't some guy I've texted off and on.
Someone I imagined having kids with.
I haven't dreamed about our wedding.
Most of my best memories are made with her.
I can't just throw our pictures and burn them as I listen to sad music.
I can't just forget about her.
She knows about the lowest points in my life
She knows more about me than I know about myself.
She's my best friend, my sister, my guardian angel on earth, my mom.

Looking into the future, what if this is where it ends?
If this is as far as we were meant to go?
What if our kids don't grow up together, we don't go to each other's graduations, we don't go to each others weddings?
I'd sit and stalk her on any social media she has left, and like from Hercules, watching my baby grow from afar because I can't be there for her anymore.

I don't want to be the 'ex-best friend' or the one you look back on and say 'I wonder what she's up to nowadays'
I want to be your best friend and I want to laugh with you and make fun of the same things and support you and be the best friend I could ever possibly be. I'm sorry I haven't done that, I'm sorry I've focused more on myself and my wellbeing than I have on yours.

I'm sorry I've been a shitty best friend.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry for whatever I guess I did.
I'm sorry that I can't handle the truth sometimes.
Correction: most times.
I'm sorry that I was a disappointment.
I'm sorry your other best friend is so much better than me.
I'm sorry that I can't be there for you.

But I don't know what I did.
All I've been doing is trying, and I don't feel anything in return.
You're distancing yourself, and I'm trying, I really am.
I guess you don't see that.
I'm sorry that you've found someone better.
But we both knew it was going to happen.
You moved away and we both knew that you finding a new best friend was inevitable.
But I don't know what I did to deserve this..

I guess I'm sorry for trying
I'm sorry for believing we could work our friendship out.
I'm sorry.

I wish you the best, and hope a good life for you.
But it looks like this is the end for what was.

I've Been Replaced

I've been replaced

Before you deny it, hear me out.

I'm only here when you have a problem or when you need someone to lash out at.

You've moved to knew cities and are experiencing new things and while I don't  blame you, I just wish I were who I used to be to you.

I've been replaced.
You still call me best friend but yet I have a sinking feeling you don't mean it.

I no longer feel as connected as we used to be.

And I wish things could go back to how they used to be but you've obviously moved on.

I understand, though, I wouldn't stick with me for very long either.
 

I Live in the Past

I live in the past.
I've recognized this, and I admit it.
No matter what I do, I always wish things were how they used to be.
Maybe it's because I'm so scared of what's to come, but I know what already came and went.
Maybe it's because the past always looks so much more appealing.
I'm constantly wishing I could go back in time.
I have so many things I regret.
So many people I miss.
People who are still in my life but our relationships have changed.
They've changed so much.
I've changed so much.
I live in the past.

Five Months

Five months.
Five months as of two days ago.
How did we celebrate?
You ignored me, again.
I don't know if it's commitment issues.
Or the fact that five months is a long time and it scares you.
I don't know if it's the fact that I was up all night the night before with nightmares so I didn't tell you happy five months. And if that's it then I guess I'm sorry.
I don't know if you're just over it, over us, over me.
I guess we all get a bit boring after a while I just didn't think it'd happen so fast with us.
I don't know if you finally decided to snoop on my phone and found something you didn't like, and if that's what it is, I guess I'm sorry.

Do you remember? The first night we talked again? I had so many butterflies, and you said you did too. I couldn't stop smiling. We talked all night into the early morning. You said you missed me and you never really left, you were always there.
I just want that 'us' back. The one with unlimited smiles and laughs and enough happiness from the other person that it spills over.
I was so happy.

Do you remember the first night I came back from vacation? I barely told you that I was in the hotel and you were already calling me.
I wondered the hotel for hours, got lost, and almost got kicked out that night. I would've been on the streets in New Orleans and I was just so happy to be talking to you.

I don't know if you miss it too, or if you just miss being single.
I don't know if you've lost interest in me and you're ready to move on.
I don't know if I've done something to make you angry.
I don't know what happened.
I just want us back.

Things I Wish You'd Listen To

You and I both know the dangers of drinking and drugs.
You and I have both been directly effected by addiction.
You can deny it all you want.
You say you know your limit.
You say you're okay to drive.
We both know you aren't.
I smell the alcohol on your breath.
I watch you buy beer after beer claiming you're still coherent.
If that's so, why can't you form a sentence?
Your reaction speed is reduce by at least 20% when at the legal 0.08 BAC limit.
You cleaned up your own vomit this morning while still half drunk from the night before.
You went to work still drunk.
But, "you work with beer so they won't be able to tell." Everyone can tell.

You have a problem that you won't address.
You know you have a problem.
You have a damn son.

But you continue.
Why?
Why?
Why?

Late Nights

I'm starting to remember why I left the first time.
The nights I was up way past when I wanted to be.
The empty promises
The tears. Oh, god, the tears.
It was all the times your stories didn't add up.
All the girls I saw you with, and they were gorgeous, I wouldn't blame you.
The blaming myself.
The arguments.
I'm starting to remember why I left the first time, and maybe I'm being ridiculous. Maybe I'm looking for a way out because I can't commit to a shirt so how could I commit to a person? Maybe I'm scared and I need reassurance.
Or maybe I'm completely rational. Because a thousand miles strains things.
Especially when we're back tracking now.
I'm starting to remember why I left the first time, and I'm starting to wonder if I want to do it again.
But I think it'll cause more pain than happiness, but I'm too scared to find out.
Because I love you so very much.
But I don't know where this is going...

Maybe

Maybe I'm over exaggerating, and maybe I'm crazy.
But I felt something when your hand brushed mine in the most innocent way.
I felt something that I'd never felt before.
Fireworks.
A rush of happiness.
The heat rushed to my cheeks in a blush
And I couldn't hold back a smile.
Maybe it was never supposed to be you and I
But God I wish it could.

My Favorite Quotes

This is a list of just some of my favorite quotes, mostly from Tumblr, if I can find them, they'll have a link to their tumblr. If they're from the same person I'm only going to link them once. If they are linked wrong, or from a different person, let me know and I'll fix it. :)

1. "I can't shut off, that's my problem. I have a mid that races a million miles a minute, is easily fixated, and considers every little detail with maddening precision. But if my mind is doomed to be occupied by a singular obsession, for the love of god, I am glad it is you."
   ( Beau Taplin // The Over-thinker )
2. "The worst thing about falling to pieces is that humans can do it so quietly."
   ( via hefuckin )
3. "I'm sitting here stuck. It feels like I'm handcuffed to a town no one has ever heard of. And I'm trying to get out. Get out of here. Get out of this feeling. That no matter where I go. I'll never be able to step closer to where I want to be."
   ( via My Ten Word Story )
4. "She sounded like she was about to cry. But then I heard her take a breath. Then she changed the subject. Everyone did that. When something hurt, well, we just changed the subject."
   ( via Quote My Books )
5. "That's what's so damn difficult about making the decision to leave. Whether it's the right or wrong call it hurts just the same."
   ( Beau Taplin // The Wrong Call )
6. "Traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go.'"
   ( via alunit )
7. "Love will either make you or destroy you"
   ( via suspend )
8. I don't care if I fall I love with a devil, as long as that devil will love me the way he loves hell."
   ( via infinite-g0ld ) [I couldn't find their tumblr]
9. "I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning"
   ( via daughterofgollum )
10. "The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves"
    ( Alan Watts )

The Thing About Forever

I often see us together, but not forever.
It's not that I don't want to stay with you forever. because I do.
It's just that I don't know if I can do it.
Because everything to m is temporary.
Which is why changing my hair color or buying a car is so difficult
Because I don't want forever
I want little bursts of forever in a few months.
I want it to feel like forever in just 5 short months, and then be over.
And maybe that'll change with age.
But right now, it's awfully hard to see us together forever

December 7th 2015 - 10:24 PM

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m the one who put it there. Nobody else put the responsibility and the stress onto me, I brought it onto myself. I just want to take a break, but I’ve just started and I don’t know how I’ll make it through. It’s like I’m drowning in everything and I can’t breathe and I know everything is only temporary but this temporary looks so permanent right now. I can’t see past it and I feel like I’m going to fail, and if I do fail I’m letting everyone down, because I’m not the only one involved in this. In the back of my head I know that they won’t be let down or disappointed but I’m a perfectionist and I’m setting my mind to this goal and if I don’t achieve this goal I’m going to be left hopeless and confused and not knowing how to recover. I can’t be in that position again. I can’t stay here anymore, this horrid place and judgmental people who don’t understand what I’m saying. I need out. I can’t stay in this town anymore and anyone who knows me knows I’m leaving the first chance I get. I don’t know where I’m going but it’ll be far away from here.

 

When Your Love Runs Out

I just feel so numb, so broken, so confused.

And I keep looking for love in downhill places.

Searching for affection when nobody has any to spare.

I keep reaching out and my limbs are being severed.

There’s not much left of me now.

How much longer till I’m all gone?

 

I Think

I think you forget how your eyes look to people who have seen them for the first time.

How they look like every piece of perfection that’s ever existed wrapped up.

That when people hear the easy tone of your voice they feel right at home

I think after so many years of looking at yourself with pure hatred, I think you forget that for some people you could be just what they’re looking for.

I think you forget that even though you hate yourself, someone else love you.

You’ve forgotten that you are capable of being loved, and that some people actually do love you.

You’ve forgotten that sometimes people can hurt you, but there are so many more that won’t hurt you.

I think you’ve forgotten everything you wanted to make sure you’d remember.

That's When You Know

Some nights just make you realize how thankful you are for some people.
Some aren’t so good nights, like the night my friend hydroplaned off the road and into a tree, her car totaled, but she ended up with only a few scratches.
You stop and think, the car was totaled, but she wasn’t.
That’s when you know you’re thankful for someone.
Or the better nights, when you come home, your throat scratchy because you’ve been laughing all night.
You drive around town, get burritos bigger than your head, try on ugly dresses and forget everything for just a while.
That’s when you know you’re thankful for someone.
When you realize that one person has stuck by you for six years.
Has listened to you cry over boys, and cry because your family was being ripped apart.
When you call their mom, your mom and when you’ve practically adopted their younger siblings.
That’s when you know you have a true friend.
When you can call them at 3:47 and cry to them, and they’ll stay on the other line until you’ve calmed down.
Even if you’re crying over nothing.
When they’re the person you’d go to when something really shitty happened, and you just need someone to sit with.
That’s when you know you have a true friend.

To the Person Who Loves Me Next

To the person who loves me next.

Please don’t get angry when I call you crying because I can’t find the long side of my blanket, because my emotions get out of control and at the time, it’s a serious issue.

You have to understand that I don’t understand. My mind is small and closed and it takes a lot for me to understand even the simplest things and even when I do, I’ll still ask you questions.

I’m jealous. Maybe overly jealous at times, but I know there’s always someone better out there for you, and there will always be someone prettier and you can always love someone more, no matter how much you deny it.

I can’t help the fact that I don’t trust you completely, but in my defense, I don’t trust myself either. I’ve tricked my mind to believe things that I’m not even sure are true, and some of those things involve you.

I need constant reassurance, and I really am not just looking for attention, so when I say “You don’t really love me” don’t be offended. I just really don’t believe it. And honestly, the most you can do is try to reassure me as much as you can until I say it again.

I get lost in my head and I wonder what things are like in different countries and I tend to ask questions that I know you wouldn’t know the answer to.

To the person who loves me next. Know that I’m fragile, no matter the exterior I put up. Know that I’ll bring up names and call you names at the most absurd times. Know that I’ll push you away and I’ll say I hate you when you try to resist me, and I’ll beg for you to leave, but please don’t.

To the person who loves me next, I’m sorry

3 Months and 28 Days

I contemplated texting you for hours before I actually followed through.
It was our birthday, July 12, and we hadn’t spoken since we decided we weren’t meant for each other.
But I saw you on your story, you finally turned 18, like you’d been dreaming of.
So I did it.
I said happy birthday, thinking it wasn’t going to be much more than that, but of course it was going to be, it was never just a simple message with you.
We got back together on July 12, 2015, and here I am 3 months and 28 days later, crying in bed because you haven’t texted me in over 48 hours.
And I’m wondering what I did wrong.
And I’m wondering why we were brought back together.
And I’m wondering what the hell I was on when I sent you that message.
And I’m wondering if it was all a mistake.
If we were all a mistake.
But at this point I don’t think we can turn around.
Because I’m so invested, and I hope you are too.
You can’t just go back to normal after this.
It’s been 3 months and 28 days and my heart feels on fire, and my head is killing me, because I’m crying over you once again.

 

Addiction

Drug addiction doesn’t just effect the addict

People who do drugs can be good role models, not in the most common sense, but they can be. Sometimes it can be a role model of what not to do, but there are life lessons to be learned from a drug addicted person as I have experienced this myself.

While it was difficult, and I was young, there were still life lessons that were learned from it. Good and bad.
An addiction is an illness. They aren’t ‘junkies’ or ‘criminals’ or ‘trash’ most of the time, addicts are trying to better themselves, no matter how much people don’t want to believe that. People want to shut addicts away from society, pretend they don’t exist and that nobody loves them. Often times, people when they see a drug addict, they turn their nose up at them, instead of looking at them with caring eyes, thinking about what drove them to that point.

They aren’t trash.
They aren’t worthless.
They are loved.

They were drove to this point, or sometimes they just wanted the experience.

They didn’t want this
They’ve heard ‘you’ll become addicted.’ But in the moment, none of that mattered. When you’re drove to the point where you hate your life so much that you’d risk it so much just to escape, the addiction doesn’t even matter.
Because the addiction isn’t the needle piercing their skin.
The addiction isn’t their nose burning
The addiction isn’t the burn of their lungs
The addiction is the escape.
Addicts have said they liked the way it felt. They liked the burn of the nose, throat or lungs. But they just like where it’s leading. They know that after the burn, their paradise comes. Where their heart doesn’t hurt. They don’t feel guilty. They forget.
They just want to forget.
They aren’t trash.
They aren’t worthless.
They are loved.

The Future

I think some of the best parts of life hurt the worst.

Relationships being the first thing I think of. It seems like every time we start a steady routine of being okay, I do something to fuck it up, and most of the time it’s not something I tell him. It’s not even something between us that fucks us up, its me. It’s all me, I get shit in my head and I start believing it. And I don’t know how to stop it.
I can’t do this anymore.
The distance is too much
I can’t handle this.
And every time I say that, I remind myself that it’s next month. And maybe I’m just living for December, maybe I’m pushing myself through just to see if it’s right. To see if we’re right. Or maybe I really do believe it’s meant to be for us.
I keep thinking that in 30ish days he’ll be here and I can see if it’s real.
I read this blog called TinyBuddha.com and what was posted, I don’t know, some time ago was the illusion of the future, and I’ll link it at the bottom, but it talked about the future being an illusion, something we’ve made up in our head. But as we live, the future comes to us. In two minutes, I’ll be further down the page, and that’s the future, and in two minutes, this will be the past. And in 30 days, that will be the future. And this will be the past.
If I don’t make myself happy now, I won’t be happy in 30 days, or even 300 days, because that’s not how it works.

The future doesn’t make us happy. We make us happy.

 

Why Do You Like Them?

Something I hear people say all the time is that they hate when they like someone and other people say “Ew, why would you like them?”

Since, I’ve gotten with him, that’s all I’ve heard. Negative. Negative. Negative.

He’s too old for you – he’s 18, I’m 16. Our birthdays are on the same day, we are exactly 2 years apart.

He lives too far away – Yes, the 1,000+ mile distance is a long ways, but really is the potential love of my life not worth it?

He’s going to leave soon – He’s starting basics for the Army in December, so yes, he will be leaving, but I respect the reason he’s leaving for.

 These are all things I’ve heard before, and continue to hear, plus ones not listed. I have friends I rant to specifically about him, but obviously other stuff too. We’ll call them Lindsey and Brittany. Well, Lindsey and Brittany only hear the bad things, because who really wants to listen to their friend say, “Oh my gosh, he’s so perfect! He’s so adorable! Look at this goodnight text he sent me last night!” Right? Nobody wants to listen to that, so I of course tell them only the bad. From day one Lindsey has said she “doesn’t like him” and “doesn’t understand why I would like someone like him”

Because sure, he has his faults. He’s kind of a jackass, he has more insecurities than I can count, he’s guarded, he’s been suffering with depression and anxiety for 5+ years, he’s dealt with prescription drug addiction, he drives way too fast on the freeway, he’s reckless and carefree, he’s insane and drives me insane.

But with each one of those faults there are 20 more reasons I love him.

He’s sweet, he’d do anything to protect the ones he loves, he’s protective, he’s so funny, etc. Etc. You’d rather hear the bad things than the good things I’m assuming.

The point is, don’t judge people and who they’re into.

Everything you have done, make up who you are currently, and somebody will love all of you. Your faults, your successes, your failures…all of it.

 

With me and my boyfriend, we’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve dealt with things separately that have affected our relationship negatively, and we’ve dealt with things together that have affected our relationship negatively. Nobody will have a perfect relationship, but I believe that if two people are meant to be with each other they’ll find a way back to each other.

July 12, 2015

Today I saw a picture of you and her. The thing that broke me the most was how cute you look together.

And maybe I’m over reacting, which is quite possible, but your smile looks so much brighter, and you and her look like a match made in heaven.

Maybe she’s why I’m not anywhere on your social media. Seeing you with her reminded me how disposable I am to you, and maybe that’s why you stopped saying ‘I love you’

What do I do when I see that?

How do I react?

I didn’t break down, and I didn’t cry. I sat on my bedroom floor just staring at your face and hers, I felt numb and confused. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, but tears didn’t come like they normally do.

Maybe because I’ve been expecting this for a while, there was another girl, it’s exactly what my friend’s dad said when he heard about you and I. He’s suspected this from the beginning, and yeah, I guess I did too.

July 12, 2015, that was when we made each other our focus. It’s when we both decided that we were all each other loved.

I guess I was the only one who knew the terms of our agreement, because it seems that you’ve found someone who you love more than I could.

And maybe I’m over reacting, which is quite possible, but you look happy with her, and if that’s so, forget me.

Move on, like you already have.
Forget what we had, or maybe we didn’t have anything and I just thought we had something.
Forget the ‘I love you’s and the ‘I never want to leave you’s
Forget what we are, and what we were.
Forget what we could’ve been.

November 3, 2015, the day I decided that I can’t handle it anymore, but I’m not going to go anywhere.

Vulnerability

I’ve been talking to this guy for a while, he’s a friend of mine. I think friends often make you find yourself discovering more of yourself for them. New friends ask questions, some more serious than others.

Where were you born?
Do you have any siblings?
What’s your favorite color?
Who is your role model?
What are you scared of?
They make you think of things we tend to push out of our head.
This friend of mine didn’t start out by asking any questions, he didn’t even start with a ‘hi’ or ‘hey’. This friend started out with a paragraph telling me I was beautiful. He kept repeating ‘wow’
This was a few months ago.
In between these past few months, we’ve gotten closer. This friend, lives in Canada, as I do not. And he has more life experience than I do myself, not by much, but by a few years, but he’s still a friend.
Some friends help you realize that blue is not your best color. Some help you pick up guys. Some help you dump guys. And some are just along for the ride.
But this friend,
He helped me realize how vulnerable I am, and how much I hate it. He helped me realize how tall I built these walls around myself. After only a day or so of talking, he pointed out my ‘deflection’ as he calls it. Basically if someone brings up something I don’t want to talk about, I deflect it. It’s a common thing with people these days. All of mine involve switching the conversation, sometimes back to the other person, sometimes to simply nonsense.
Since talking to him, my walls have been taken down a bit, he’s an amazing friend, and I’m so thankful for him. I catch myself deflecting now, as I couldn’t before. I also notice that I’m more comfortable around him than a lot of my very close friends.
Maybe it’s the distance that’s been put between us, that I can feel comfortable telling him things that took me a long time to tell my best friend.
I don’t know what’s up with me and long distance things, but I think you meet the best people who are far away.

 

A 587 hour walk

Sometimes I think you need to just step away, whether that be from friends, family or even yourself I think it’s important to have that space. That’s where I am right now. At this time in my life, I have a boyfriend, I’m in a long distance relationship with an amazing man that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, but the distance has become overwhelming.

Anyone who has been in a long distance relationship can probably relate. Relate to the fact that some nights you need that person physically there more than others. While some of you may call long distance an hour drive, my long distance is:

1,865.8 miles.
587 hour walk.
27 hour drive.

For some people, long distance relationships are an absurd concept that should never be attempted, but for most people who have been involved in a long distance relationship know that it makes the relationship so much more real.

The truth of the matter is this, in a 'normal' relationship (i.e. one where you see each other every day [or close to] can hug and kiss each other, can drive to their house, and isn't a big thing if you decide to go see them) you don't need much effort. It's true, it's not hard to kiss and hug someone when you see them, or go hang out with them on the weekends, and cuddle and take naps together or even Netflix & Chill. It's not as complicated.
But, long distance relationships are a whole other story. Long distance relationships require even more effort because you don't see each other on the daily, sometimes not even close to the daily. It takes effort to text them and ask how their day is going, to snapchat them, call them, facetime them. It takes effort.

I'm not saying that other relationships don't take effort cause I know they do, but it's different when you can't just drive to their house and see them. It's different when you have to pack bags just to go see them.

Do you get what I’m saying? Maybe not.

This brings me back to my first point, I think it's important to take breaks, to step away, to just freaking breathe. To take an actual moment to breathe and just realize what is going on around you. But in some instances I don't think you can. I don't think every situation is the right situation to just step back when you feel the pressure. Sometimes you have to push it through, no matter how trapped you feel. Try your hardest to push it, until you know for sure that you can't do whatever that may be any longer.

Know your limits. Love until you can’t anymore, but never lose yourself.