S e p t e m b e r , n i n e , t w e n t y s i x t e e n - t e n : t w e n t y s i x

I hope there is no end to you and I, but if one day our road forks and we are forced our separate ways, I hope you don’t look it negatively. I hope you recognize the things we taught each other and I hope you see what we did with our lives and our time together. I hope you forget any fights we had and I hope you remember all of our good memories. I hope you remember riding your bike to my house at two in the morning for drunk conversation and the taste of liquor on my lips. I hope you remember laying in your bed whispering ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to sleep. I hope you remember that stupid damn fly that wouldn’t leave us alone in your room every time we started drifting off to sleep. I hope you remember how much I love you, and I hope you remember that I love everything about you. I hope you never forget me

Addiction pt II

My heart has never hurt the way it did that night.

I have never felt my heart fall apart and crumble like I did that night.

The night I learned that yet again, addiction had taken over a loved one. Addiction of chemicals rigged into a form that will make you feel on top of the world. Chemicals disguised as euphoria and hope when all it delivers is pain and sadness. Addiction is not tumblr girls poking needles in their arms with euphoria in their eyes. Its desperation, and destruction. It’s tangled and ratted hair, dirty needles and back allies. Addiction is torn apart families, and never friends just junkie acquaintances. Addiction will never be something for magazine covers, it’s hidden away like porno in the back closet. Addiction is hearts torn apart and punched holes in drywall. Addiction will never be glamorous. Addiction will always be inexplicably painful.

Routine

You warned me not to get attached, but it's nearly impossible to when it's someone like you.
So now what do we do? You seem to ask this nightly, and it's fit into our routine right amongst the 'goodnight's and the 'sleep well's. The answer is always the same, after a long discussion, we always come to the same conclusion. It ends in tears and a rude awakening, which we forget about and continue loving each other the next morning.
But I know everyone has a time allotment in all of our lives, some are forever, some are for just a little while, and after these six months I begin to wonder if my time is up.
While I wonder if it's time for me to leave, I also cant bear the thought of departure because you've fit into my routine just like breakfast or brushing my teeth. It's something I have to do, you're becoming an addiction and all I want is your high.

Crazy

It's crazy.
I see your face on your Facebook, your mom's Facebook, your grandma's Facebook. I'm friends with them all. And everytime I see your face I don't get jealous, I don't get butterflies, I don't feel anything. Yet a video of you talking is posted and my stomach gets queasy, I can feel the butterflies errupting in my tummy and I'm taken back to that day when I got off the plane and you called me immediatly after I texted you 'I landed'
It's crazy
How things change so quickly yet it can take months or even years to get over it. It's been five months, and I've moved on, but don't get me wrong I still think about you. I'm dreading the day of our birthdays because I feel obligated to send you a message, yet I don't think we're like that anymore.
It's crazy.
How just a few months ago we were talking about after college, yet you dumped me the week later. It blows my mind how fast things can change and how quickly life goes by and how much joy one person can give you.
It's a crazy world and a crazy life and I'm glad I spent 6 months with your crazy ass, but it's crazy.

Boundries

I love sports.
I love working out.
I love testing my boundaries.
I love pushing myself to the limit, to the point where I want to cry. Pushing myself to the point where I feel like I  could just roll over and give it all up.
To the point of wanting to give up.
So maybe that's what I saw in you.
Maybe it was the thought of just pushing myself outside my comfort zone just a bit farther.
Maybe it was knowing this could bend and break me.
Knowing that at any point I would want to roll over and give up.
But I never gave up.
I pushed myself and I gave it my all,I lost sleep over it, I just wanted it to end, I cried over and over again wishing you would do the same.
Wishing that you would push yourself to the extremes like I had, I wanted you to do that for me.
Maybe that's what I'm waiting for, maybe I'm waiting for someone to push themselves like I push myself.
Someone who can stand by me and push me to do better and to be better.
And I guess you weren't the one for that
If you were, you'd still be beside me.

To the Athlete Ready to Give it All Up

Remember that little girl who first picked up the ball and never wanted to put it down.
The girl who worked for hours upon hours on grounding a ball so she could finally play in the infield or become a starting pitcher.
Play for her.
Play for the girl who was the number one pitcher in little league.
Play for the girl who's known every position like the back of her hand before she had even played ever position.
If you ever want to quit, remember why you started.
Remember the game that meant the world at the time, the two inning overtime and international tiebreaker.
Remember the chills you get when the game is too close for errors.'Remember that feeling when you finally became that starting pitcher.
Remember the game changing plays.
Remember the first time you were in the outfield coming off the injury, how you closed your eyes and jumped, the ball landed in your glove like it was always meant to be there.
Remember that, because if you quit now, you'll look back and wish you hadn't.

A Letter From A Girl Still in Love with You

It's been 76 days and I still think about you, a lot. Don't get me wrong, you taught me a lot. You taught me that I can't love anyone before I love myself. You taught me that I can't love someone so far away from me because it'll only end in heartbreak.
It's been 76 days and there have been guys, but I compare them all to you, and not in a good way. I thought it would be hard to move on from you, and yeah I guess it was, but I sure did get over you quick. I think that's how I knew it wasn't love. I got over you too quick.
It's been 76 days and I think I'm falling for another, but is it too soon? I'm still scared of hurting you.
It's been 76 days and I still want your approval.
It's been 76 days and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in a trance going day by day, just going through the motions.
I was happy with you, I've never been so happy
But I can't tell anyone that, they don't understand, they thought it was dumb, that it was silly.
They thought I was dumb, that I was making a big mistake.
I guess I was.
I know I shouldn't go back, but I want to. Everything made sense with you, nothing makes sense anymore. You said we'd still be friends even after we broke up, but I should've known better. I miss you, and I just want to hear you say it back, I crave hearing your voice and hearing you whisper those three words to me as I fell asleep. Do you remember the time we fell asleep on the phone together? I never felt so close to you. I should've known better, it was too good to be true.