Late Nights

I'm starting to remember why I left the first time.
The nights I was up way past when I wanted to be.
The empty promises
The tears. Oh, god, the tears.
It was all the times your stories didn't add up.
All the girls I saw you with, and they were gorgeous, I wouldn't blame you.
The blaming myself.
The arguments.
I'm starting to remember why I left the first time, and maybe I'm being ridiculous. Maybe I'm looking for a way out because I can't commit to a shirt so how could I commit to a person? Maybe I'm scared and I need reassurance.
Or maybe I'm completely rational. Because a thousand miles strains things.
Especially when we're back tracking now.
I'm starting to remember why I left the first time, and I'm starting to wonder if I want to do it again.
But I think it'll cause more pain than happiness, but I'm too scared to find out.
Because I love you so very much.
But I don't know where this is going...

Maybe

Maybe I'm over exaggerating, and maybe I'm crazy.
But I felt something when your hand brushed mine in the most innocent way.
I felt something that I'd never felt before.
Fireworks.
A rush of happiness.
The heat rushed to my cheeks in a blush
And I couldn't hold back a smile.
Maybe it was never supposed to be you and I
But God I wish it could.

My Favorite Quotes

This is a list of just some of my favorite quotes, mostly from Tumblr, if I can find them, they'll have a link to their tumblr. If they're from the same person I'm only going to link them once. If they are linked wrong, or from a different person, let me know and I'll fix it. :)

1. "I can't shut off, that's my problem. I have a mid that races a million miles a minute, is easily fixated, and considers every little detail with maddening precision. But if my mind is doomed to be occupied by a singular obsession, for the love of god, I am glad it is you."
   ( Beau Taplin // The Over-thinker )
2. "The worst thing about falling to pieces is that humans can do it so quietly."
   ( via hefuckin )
3. "I'm sitting here stuck. It feels like I'm handcuffed to a town no one has ever heard of. And I'm trying to get out. Get out of here. Get out of this feeling. That no matter where I go. I'll never be able to step closer to where I want to be."
   ( via My Ten Word Story )
4. "She sounded like she was about to cry. But then I heard her take a breath. Then she changed the subject. Everyone did that. When something hurt, well, we just changed the subject."
   ( via Quote My Books )
5. "That's what's so damn difficult about making the decision to leave. Whether it's the right or wrong call it hurts just the same."
   ( Beau Taplin // The Wrong Call )
6. "Traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go.'"
   ( via alunit )
7. "Love will either make you or destroy you"
   ( via suspend )
8. I don't care if I fall I love with a devil, as long as that devil will love me the way he loves hell."
   ( via infinite-g0ld ) [I couldn't find their tumblr]
9. "I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning"
   ( via daughterofgollum )
10. "The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves"
    ( Alan Watts )

The Thing About Forever

I often see us together, but not forever.
It's not that I don't want to stay with you forever. because I do.
It's just that I don't know if I can do it.
Because everything to m is temporary.
Which is why changing my hair color or buying a car is so difficult
Because I don't want forever
I want little bursts of forever in a few months.
I want it to feel like forever in just 5 short months, and then be over.
And maybe that'll change with age.
But right now, it's awfully hard to see us together forever

December 7th 2015 - 10:24 PM

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m the one who put it there. Nobody else put the responsibility and the stress onto me, I brought it onto myself. I just want to take a break, but I’ve just started and I don’t know how I’ll make it through. It’s like I’m drowning in everything and I can’t breathe and I know everything is only temporary but this temporary looks so permanent right now. I can’t see past it and I feel like I’m going to fail, and if I do fail I’m letting everyone down, because I’m not the only one involved in this. In the back of my head I know that they won’t be let down or disappointed but I’m a perfectionist and I’m setting my mind to this goal and if I don’t achieve this goal I’m going to be left hopeless and confused and not knowing how to recover. I can’t be in that position again. I can’t stay here anymore, this horrid place and judgmental people who don’t understand what I’m saying. I need out. I can’t stay in this town anymore and anyone who knows me knows I’m leaving the first chance I get. I don’t know where I’m going but it’ll be far away from here.

 

When Your Love Runs Out

I just feel so numb, so broken, so confused.

And I keep looking for love in downhill places.

Searching for affection when nobody has any to spare.

I keep reaching out and my limbs are being severed.

There’s not much left of me now.

How much longer till I’m all gone?

 

I Think

I think you forget how your eyes look to people who have seen them for the first time.

How they look like every piece of perfection that’s ever existed wrapped up.

That when people hear the easy tone of your voice they feel right at home

I think after so many years of looking at yourself with pure hatred, I think you forget that for some people you could be just what they’re looking for.

I think you forget that even though you hate yourself, someone else love you.

You’ve forgotten that you are capable of being loved, and that some people actually do love you.

You’ve forgotten that sometimes people can hurt you, but there are so many more that won’t hurt you.

I think you’ve forgotten everything you wanted to make sure you’d remember.