Cheating isn't just letting your mind wander, it's not just letting your hands wander either.
Cheating is giving yourself to another person, knowing well enough that you're going to hurt the one person that is dedicating themselves to you.
It's telling them they're never going to be good enough.
It's reminding them every time they've had just a bit too much to drink
It's looking for happiness at the bottom of every bottle.
It's asking themselves why over and over again whenever they hear your name.
It's lonely nights
It's broken promises
It's too many drinks and too many bong rips
It's forgetting who you are.
It's forgetting what you were
It's damaging
and life destroying
and trust crushing
It's not worth it.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Untitled Rant
It seems like no matter what I do, or how hard I try, everything ends wrong.
And I remind myself that graduation is in 4 months, and I remind myself that it'll be over soon, but I'm stuck in the now
It's like whenever I meet someone new, and I get close to them, they leave.
They see my flaws, realize I'm not perfect and they give up.
They get tired of me not wanting to leave my room
They get tired of my random rants
They get tired of hearing me complain
They get tired of me.
I just want someone to stick around
Sunday, January 24, 2016
L o v e
People fall in love for all sorts of reasons.
A lot of times those reason are also the reasons they fell out of love.
Which is why I tell you I don't care if you leave, because if I tell you that enough, maybe I'll believe it myself.
My once cute stubbornness will become immaturity and not being able to compromise.
The fact that I cuss too much was funny, and will soon become ridiculous and unnecessary.
It's why love scares me.
If you ask me what I'm most scared of, I'll answer love.
Love is unpredictable and unprecedented.
It doesn't know what it's doing or where it's going.
It doesn't know when it's coming or when it's leaving.
And you can't predict the future.
So for now, we fall in love like it's not a big deal, but one day our partners will look at us, and realize the mistake they've made.
Because that's what love is.
It doesn't know how to control it's arrival and departure.
And you can't control it either.
Love is uncontrollable, untameable and uncageable.
So I'm sorry if I worry too much.
I've seen long time marriages end over the same reasons they began.
I've watched my boyfriend leave for someone who was clearly better.
So I'm sorry if love is the most terrifying thing in the world, but it's not very inviting.
A lot of times those reason are also the reasons they fell out of love.
Which is why I tell you I don't care if you leave, because if I tell you that enough, maybe I'll believe it myself.
My once cute stubbornness will become immaturity and not being able to compromise.
The fact that I cuss too much was funny, and will soon become ridiculous and unnecessary.
It's why love scares me.
If you ask me what I'm most scared of, I'll answer love.
Love is unpredictable and unprecedented.
It doesn't know what it's doing or where it's going.
It doesn't know when it's coming or when it's leaving.
And you can't predict the future.
So for now, we fall in love like it's not a big deal, but one day our partners will look at us, and realize the mistake they've made.
Because that's what love is.
It doesn't know how to control it's arrival and departure.
And you can't control it either.
Love is uncontrollable, untameable and uncageable.
So I'm sorry if I worry too much.
I've seen long time marriages end over the same reasons they began.
I've watched my boyfriend leave for someone who was clearly better.
So I'm sorry if love is the most terrifying thing in the world, but it's not very inviting.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
It's Been Ten Days
Do you miss me?
Does it hurt?
I wish I could text you and just ask you.
Maybe in a couple of months I will.
When all is said and done.
I want to know if she's worth it, I bet she is.
I was never any competition, anyway.
Do you miss me even a little?
Does it hurt to think about me?
Did you immediately delete my pictures?
I still have yours.
I haven't brought myself to be able to delete your pictures or block you on social media.
Everyone says to just get over you,
but I don't think they know how hard it is to get over something that was your world.
-I hope she treats you well, you deserve it.
Does it hurt?
I wish I could text you and just ask you.
Maybe in a couple of months I will.
When all is said and done.
I want to know if she's worth it, I bet she is.
I was never any competition, anyway.
Do you miss me even a little?
Does it hurt to think about me?
Did you immediately delete my pictures?
I still have yours.
I haven't brought myself to be able to delete your pictures or block you on social media.
Everyone says to just get over you,
but I don't think they know how hard it is to get over something that was your world.
-I hope she treats you well, you deserve it.
Monday, January 11, 2016
I'm Just A Hopeful Human, Now Aren't I?
I wish I got you hooked on TV shows so you could never watch them without thinking about me.
I wish we got to travel together, and kiss in places you'd remember, so you'd never be able to go to that place without thinking of me.
I wish we had a song, so you only thought about me when it was on.
If we had a song, I hope it'd be the song that played when you've run out of Spotify skips so you'd have to listen to it.
I wish I gave you things to remember me by
I wish I gave you the time of day
Maybe if I would've given you more memories you would've stayed.
I wish I could've seen you on our wedding day.
I wish I could've graduated high school and college with you.
I wish I may, I wish I might be the one you think of tonight.
I wish we got to travel together, and kiss in places you'd remember, so you'd never be able to go to that place without thinking of me.
I wish we had a song, so you only thought about me when it was on.
If we had a song, I hope it'd be the song that played when you've run out of Spotify skips so you'd have to listen to it.
I wish I gave you things to remember me by
I wish I gave you the time of day
Maybe if I would've given you more memories you would've stayed.
I wish I could've seen you on our wedding day.
I wish I could've graduated high school and college with you.
I wish I may, I wish I might be the one you think of tonight.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
I Want
I just want to talk to you all night and all day.
I want to find where we went wrong and fix it
I want to know how I can make you happy again
I know you weren't happy when we last talked
It just amazes me how fast you can drop someone you previously said you loved.
I just want to be your one and only again
I want to talk to you all the time
Talk about our future
Our dreams
Our goals
I want closure, I don't feel it right now
I want to know why
I want to know if you've been thinking about this for a while
I want to know if it hurts
Because Lord knows I'm hurting
I'm sorry...
Thursday, January 7, 2016
S i s t e r s
Do you remember?
Do you remember that picture I drew you when I was little?
It was stick figures, one had black hair, one had brown. I was planning on making you a book of pictures I drew, but I never did because you found that picture before I could finish the others.
It said "Sisters are forever"
It was that picture, you said, that made you want to be better.
It was that picture, that made you ditch the toxins.
It was that picture.
Do you remember?
Do you remember you calling me telling me about what had been going on the first time?
You were pissed. Gosh, you were so mad.
You said you hated what he's been doing, that he doesn't deserve to be around the kids.
You were right.
Do you remember?
Do you remember the time you said you'd pick me up a week before Christmas, we were going to look at Christmas lights.
You never came.
It broke my heart.
Sisters are forever, though.
Do you remember that picture I drew you when I was little?
It was stick figures, one had black hair, one had brown. I was planning on making you a book of pictures I drew, but I never did because you found that picture before I could finish the others.
It said "Sisters are forever"
It was that picture, you said, that made you want to be better.
It was that picture, that made you ditch the toxins.
It was that picture.
Do you remember?
Do you remember you calling me telling me about what had been going on the first time?
You were pissed. Gosh, you were so mad.
You said you hated what he's been doing, that he doesn't deserve to be around the kids.
You were right.
Do you remember?
Do you remember the time you said you'd pick me up a week before Christmas, we were going to look at Christmas lights.
You never came.
It broke my heart.
Sisters are forever, though.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
2 0 1 6
The steps to being happy, I believe, first start with being happy and content with yourself. Without being happy with yourself and where you are, how will you create positivity around you? You won't. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and what makes you sad now, will ultimately be for the good.
In 2016, I had one big goal, not resolution, a goal. People, including myself, tend to not stick to resolutions. Instead, I set a theme. My main theme this year or my main goal was to be happy. And in my list of how to accomplish this, it starts with being happy with myself, and while I'm in the process of doing that, I'm not quite there. The next step was to surround myself with positivity. All around positivity, I want to remove the negative elements from my life and replace them with things or people who make me happy, just genuinely happy. I'm on my way there.
I believe there are certain relationships that have been negatively effecting my life, and I'm slowly ridding myself of them. I'm on my way to progressing myself in ways I never thought I'd be able to and maybe that's just me growing up and getting older. Or maybe it's me deciding what's real in life and what's important. I think it's me finding out who's really there for me and who doesn't need to be here. I'm a firm believer in the saying that says that some people are here for a reason, I believe that some people do come into our lives just to provide us with some type of improvement. Weather that improvement be within ourselves, such as realizing the type of habits we don't want to form, or the type of person we don't want to be. Or it might be just realizing the type of things that we do and don't want in our lives.
I'm getting one step closer to my happiness.
In 2016, I had one big goal, not resolution, a goal. People, including myself, tend to not stick to resolutions. Instead, I set a theme. My main theme this year or my main goal was to be happy. And in my list of how to accomplish this, it starts with being happy with myself, and while I'm in the process of doing that, I'm not quite there. The next step was to surround myself with positivity. All around positivity, I want to remove the negative elements from my life and replace them with things or people who make me happy, just genuinely happy. I'm on my way there.
I believe there are certain relationships that have been negatively effecting my life, and I'm slowly ridding myself of them. I'm on my way to progressing myself in ways I never thought I'd be able to and maybe that's just me growing up and getting older. Or maybe it's me deciding what's real in life and what's important. I think it's me finding out who's really there for me and who doesn't need to be here. I'm a firm believer in the saying that says that some people are here for a reason, I believe that some people do come into our lives just to provide us with some type of improvement. Weather that improvement be within ourselves, such as realizing the type of habits we don't want to form, or the type of person we don't want to be. Or it might be just realizing the type of things that we do and don't want in our lives.
I'm getting one step closer to my happiness.
Shaking
The kind of mad when your whole body is shaking.
Tears are streaming down your face.
The kind where all you want to do is scream.
Where you can't tell if you're mad or sad anymore
The kind where you feel sick to your stomach
The kind of mad that makes you hate everything.
The kind of mad that leaves you without explanation.
That's what I felt.
And I hope you're happy with her, cause she sounds so much better than me.
I hope you're happy with someone who took someone's boyfriend.
When she does it to you, I hope you realize your mistake.
I hope she makes you fall in love and then breaks your heart.
I hope you're as crushed as I am.
I hope she leaves you on the floor not knowing what life is anymore without her.
Cause that's how I'm feeling.
You were my everything.
And she took you.
But whatever, some things only last for a little while right?
Tears are streaming down your face.
The kind where all you want to do is scream.
Where you can't tell if you're mad or sad anymore
The kind where you feel sick to your stomach
The kind of mad that makes you hate everything.
The kind of mad that leaves you without explanation.
That's what I felt.
And I hope you're happy with her, cause she sounds so much better than me.
I hope you're happy with someone who took someone's boyfriend.
When she does it to you, I hope you realize your mistake.
I hope she makes you fall in love and then breaks your heart.
I hope you're as crushed as I am.
I hope she leaves you on the floor not knowing what life is anymore without her.
Cause that's how I'm feeling.
You were my everything.
And she took you.
But whatever, some things only last for a little while right?
Friday, January 1, 2016
C o n f e t t i
Confetti is in the air.
Drinks all around.
Kisses shared between lovers
Kisses shared between lonely strangers.
New Years Eve.
That's how it's supposed to be right?
New year, new beginnings, they say.
But what if, 14 minutes into the New Year, you've already shed tears?
What if, 14 minutes in, you think that maybe you're not cut out for 2016.
Drinks all around.
Kisses shared between lovers
Kisses shared between lonely strangers.
New Years Eve.
That's how it's supposed to be right?
New year, new beginnings, they say.
But what if, 14 minutes into the New Year, you've already shed tears?
What if, 14 minutes in, you think that maybe you're not cut out for 2016.
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