It's crazy.
I see your face on your Facebook, your mom's Facebook, your grandma's Facebook. I'm friends with them all. And everytime I see your face I don't get jealous, I don't get butterflies, I don't feel anything. Yet a video of you talking is posted and my stomach gets queasy, I can feel the butterflies errupting in my tummy and I'm taken back to that day when I got off the plane and you called me immediatly after I texted you 'I landed'
It's crazy
How things change so quickly yet it can take months or even years to get over it. It's been five months, and I've moved on, but don't get me wrong I still think about you. I'm dreading the day of our birthdays because I feel obligated to send you a message, yet I don't think we're like that anymore.
It's crazy.
How just a few months ago we were talking about after college, yet you dumped me the week later. It blows my mind how fast things can change and how quickly life goes by and how much joy one person can give you.
It's a crazy world and a crazy life and I'm glad I spent 6 months with your crazy ass, but it's crazy.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Boundries
I love sports.
I love working out.
I love testing my boundaries.
I love pushing myself to the limit, to the point where I want to cry. Pushing myself to the point where I feel like I could just roll over and give it all up.
To the point of wanting to give up.
So maybe that's what I saw in you.
Maybe it was the thought of just pushing myself outside my comfort zone just a bit farther.
Maybe it was knowing this could bend and break me.
Knowing that at any point I would want to roll over and give up.
But I never gave up.
I pushed myself and I gave it my all,I lost sleep over it, I just wanted it to end, I cried over and over again wishing you would do the same.
Wishing that you would push yourself to the extremes like I had, I wanted you to do that for me.
Maybe that's what I'm waiting for, maybe I'm waiting for someone to push themselves like I push myself.
Someone who can stand by me and push me to do better and to be better.
And I guess you weren't the one for that
If you were, you'd still be beside me.
I love working out.
I love testing my boundaries.
I love pushing myself to the limit, to the point where I want to cry. Pushing myself to the point where I feel like I could just roll over and give it all up.
To the point of wanting to give up.
So maybe that's what I saw in you.
Maybe it was the thought of just pushing myself outside my comfort zone just a bit farther.
Maybe it was knowing this could bend and break me.
Knowing that at any point I would want to roll over and give up.
But I never gave up.
I pushed myself and I gave it my all,I lost sleep over it, I just wanted it to end, I cried over and over again wishing you would do the same.
Wishing that you would push yourself to the extremes like I had, I wanted you to do that for me.
Maybe that's what I'm waiting for, maybe I'm waiting for someone to push themselves like I push myself.
Someone who can stand by me and push me to do better and to be better.
And I guess you weren't the one for that
If you were, you'd still be beside me.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
To the Athlete Ready to Give it All Up
Remember that little girl who first picked up the ball and never wanted to put it down.
The girl who worked for hours upon hours on grounding a ball so she could finally play in the infield or become a starting pitcher.
Play for her.
Play for the girl who was the number one pitcher in little league.
Play for the girl who's known every position like the back of her hand before she had even played ever position.
If you ever want to quit, remember why you started.
Remember the game that meant the world at the time, the two inning overtime and international tiebreaker.
Remember the chills you get when the game is too close for errors.'Remember that feeling when you finally became that starting pitcher.
Remember the game changing plays.
Remember the first time you were in the outfield coming off the injury, how you closed your eyes and jumped, the ball landed in your glove like it was always meant to be there.
Remember that, because if you quit now, you'll look back and wish you hadn't.
The girl who worked for hours upon hours on grounding a ball so she could finally play in the infield or become a starting pitcher.
Play for her.
Play for the girl who was the number one pitcher in little league.
Play for the girl who's known every position like the back of her hand before she had even played ever position.
If you ever want to quit, remember why you started.
Remember the game that meant the world at the time, the two inning overtime and international tiebreaker.
Remember the chills you get when the game is too close for errors.'Remember that feeling when you finally became that starting pitcher.
Remember the game changing plays.
Remember the first time you were in the outfield coming off the injury, how you closed your eyes and jumped, the ball landed in your glove like it was always meant to be there.
Remember that, because if you quit now, you'll look back and wish you hadn't.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
A Letter From A Girl Still in Love with You
It's been 76 days and I still think about you, a lot. Don't get me wrong, you taught me a lot. You taught me that I can't love anyone before I love myself. You taught me that I can't love someone so far away from me because it'll only end in heartbreak.
It's been 76 days and there have been guys, but I compare them all to you, and not in a good way. I thought it would be hard to move on from you, and yeah I guess it was, but I sure did get over you quick. I think that's how I knew it wasn't love. I got over you too quick.
It's been 76 days and I think I'm falling for another, but is it too soon? I'm still scared of hurting you.
It's been 76 days and I still want your approval.
It's been 76 days and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in a trance going day by day, just going through the motions.
I was happy with you, I've never been so happy
But I can't tell anyone that, they don't understand, they thought it was dumb, that it was silly.
They thought I was dumb, that I was making a big mistake.
I guess I was.
I know I shouldn't go back, but I want to. Everything made sense with you, nothing makes sense anymore. You said we'd still be friends even after we broke up, but I should've known better. I miss you, and I just want to hear you say it back, I crave hearing your voice and hearing you whisper those three words to me as I fell asleep. Do you remember the time we fell asleep on the phone together? I never felt so close to you. I should've known better, it was too good to be true.
It's been 76 days and there have been guys, but I compare them all to you, and not in a good way. I thought it would be hard to move on from you, and yeah I guess it was, but I sure did get over you quick. I think that's how I knew it wasn't love. I got over you too quick.
It's been 76 days and I think I'm falling for another, but is it too soon? I'm still scared of hurting you.
It's been 76 days and I still want your approval.
It's been 76 days and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in a trance going day by day, just going through the motions.
I was happy with you, I've never been so happy
But I can't tell anyone that, they don't understand, they thought it was dumb, that it was silly.
They thought I was dumb, that I was making a big mistake.
I guess I was.
I know I shouldn't go back, but I want to. Everything made sense with you, nothing makes sense anymore. You said we'd still be friends even after we broke up, but I should've known better. I miss you, and I just want to hear you say it back, I crave hearing your voice and hearing you whisper those three words to me as I fell asleep. Do you remember the time we fell asleep on the phone together? I never felt so close to you. I should've known better, it was too good to be true.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
It Can Drive You Mad
Love.
It can be the best thing and the most cruel thing in the world.
It can give you life, but also tear you down.
It is beautiful and dark.
It can make you sick, and make you hate yourself, but it can also give you the most amazing feelings.
Love makes you face things you wouldn't otherwise.
It can give you challenges that you didn't have before.
Love will change you and leave a mark on you.
It won't ever let you forget it.
Love, oh darling, it can drive you mad.
It can be the best thing and the most cruel thing in the world.
It can give you life, but also tear you down.
It is beautiful and dark.
It can make you sick, and make you hate yourself, but it can also give you the most amazing feelings.
Love makes you face things you wouldn't otherwise.
It can give you challenges that you didn't have before.
Love will change you and leave a mark on you.
It won't ever let you forget it.
Love, oh darling, it can drive you mad.
Friday, February 19, 2016
I Don't Want Perfect
I want to know I'm cared for and I want cute pictures. I want adventures and I want lazy nights. I want to know I can go to you and I want you to be able to can come to me. I want to be your ride or die, the one you call when you want to go get Dairy Queen at 2 AM. I want your drunk calls and texts.
I like surprises.
I like hand holding
I want you. I want you drunk. I want you happy. I want you sad.
I want every part of you.
But you don't want me
Friday, February 5, 2016
Darkness
And when you entered my life, the darkness left.
It was as if you were the only light able to drive out the darkness that lived inside me.
And once you leave, the darkness will come back, because when love leaves, something has to fill that hole
Darkness
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