Changes!

Hey guys,
I have created an actual website so if any of you guys care to follow me over there you can.
Don't Mind My Thoughts (click the link!)

Basically what I want to do here is not just do sad poetry or whatever you want to call it lol, but also just some life stuff. Just how my life is going, what's happeneing all that kind of stuff. I want to turn it into more of a blog type website than this is.
I'll be transferring all of my writings over there (as far back until 2015) and they'll be on a schedule so every day you'll get one of these that is already published on this blog. So basically for the next however long it takes me, there will be one repost from this website onto that website if that makes sense.
Other than that, I'll be posting randomly throughout the week, maybe eventually I'll come up with a schedule, but as of now I don't quite know what I want to do so for now it's just random.



Well I love you guys and I'll see you at our new spot if you choose to come!
xx Gabi Fishie

Burn

Alcohol tastes better than tears, and it may kill me, but it makes my heart hurt less.

I've always craved the burn in my throat so I wrap herbs in paper and set the gift on fire and I inhale their fumes.

My head becomes light and my thoughts drift, but for once they don't drift to you.

I think of how the universe and the world work and less of how you were my universe 

You'd frown upon my choices now as I pick up my short glass and tip my head back.

Yes it burns, but the burn in my throat is better than the burn in the pit of my stomach when you said you were leaving.

 

Pain with Goodbyes

I hope the pain physically hurts you..
I hope you feel the pain down to your bone.

I hope you never forget my laugh and that it's permanently ingrained in every inch of your brain and I hope once you start doing well that you start hearing it again. So fucking loud that all  the music in the world couldn't drown it out.

I hope you clench your fists when people mention my name so that you remember who you fucked over.

I hope it pains you

I hope walking out that door and turning your back on me pains you, I hope it shook you to your very core. I hope leaving me was the worst mistake of your life, the kind you think about even after you're married with three kids.

I hope it pains you

I hope waking up in the morning and checking your phone for a good morning text from me, but not recieving one kills you.

Because I'm still up with hardly any breath in my lungs because I'm wasting it all screaming your name to the sky, praying to God you hear me. I still cry your name every night because I knew what I lost when you left. I hope you feel the pain of your heart beating inside your head and I hope no pain medication can take it away. I hope our empty promises echo in  your head like they echo in mine

I hope it pains you, like it's pained me every day since you left.

Life After Me

Sometimes I sit and think about your life after me, and I wonder if she's better.
Is she blonde like you always liked?
Does she give you butterflies like you said I did?
What's her favorite color?
Does she smoke like all of your exes?
Does she dress up for you like I did?
I wonder what she does to make you happy, do you wrap your arms around her the way you did with me?
Sometimes I sit and think about your life after me, and I know she's better.
She's prettier and smarter
She makes you laugh harder and smile brighter
I know you're happier with her.
Sometimes I sit and think about your life after me, and I know you're happier
But. God I wish you weren't
I know I always told you I hope the best for your life
But I hope you can't kiss her without tasting my lips
And I hope she has the same favorite perfume as me
So you can always smell me
And I hope you don't have the guts to tell her that you can't stand it because of me.
Then you'd be forced to remember me.
I know I always told you I hope the best for your life, and I do.
Sometimes I sit and think about your life after me, and I wish I wouldn't
Because while you're laying next to her, I'm alone in bed.
Your lips  touch hers while my lips touch the tears falling from my eyes
I fell apart after you left and I wish you had too.
Sometimes I sit and think about your life after me, but it hurts.

Drunk

And I like to think if I were drunk in a room of everyone I've ever loved, that I would still fall into your arms. That even though I can't see nor walk straight, somehow I'd stumble into your arms and you'd carry me home. But life doesn't work that way and I fuck myself over. So maybe if I was in a room of everyone I've ever loved, maybe I wouldn't go to you. Maybe I'd go to the asshole who ignored me for a week before dumping me for another girl. Maybe it'd be the guy who was sent to prison, We settle for the love we think we deserve and maybe that's why I wouldn't end up in your arms if I were drunk in a room of everyone I've ever loved.

T r u s t I s s u e s

Dating someone with trust issues is like walking on broken glass expecting not to get cut.
It's watching what you say so you don't make the other person unhappy.
It's not being sure if you're being too open or not open enough.
It's hard and it's tedious.
Loving someone with trust issues means looking out for their interest before your own.
It's looking at yourself and making sure you are enough to take care of them.
Loving someone with trust issues puts you in positions you've never been in.
Dating someone with trust issues is like walking on broken glass expecting not to get cut
Leaving someone with trust issues is like not cleaning up the blood afterwards.

A w a k e

It's 2:08 and I'm still awake
Your messages aren't going through
My heart is beating
Where are you?
I don't need constant attention
But not knowing is tearing me apart
I just want to know if you're okay
It's 2:10 now and I'm still awake
Your messages aren't going through
My heart is beating
I love you...